Packers Everywhere contains a dangerous error
On a recent podcast, my APC co-writer and co-host Matub and I were asked for recommendations on where to watch a Green Bay Packers game if you happen to be in Chicago. This question was really for me, as I lived in the city of Chicago for about thirteen years and have lived in the Western Suburbs for another four. As any Packer fan who lives anywhere near the city knows, the obvious answer is Will’s Northwoods Inn.
Will’s is excellent. I should caveat all of this with the fact that I am now a lame old suburban dad who rarely goes out in the city, and as such I have not been back to Will’s in at least eight years. It might be a full decade, I’m at that stage of my life where the 1990s perpetually happened 20 years ago and time has no meaning. Maybe they finally fixed the wall of the one men’s toilet in the place, I’m not sure.
Actually, that’s the only real criticism I have of Will’s. Have you ever been in a house where they installed a toilet in the unfinished basement with the idea that one day in the future, when their ship came in, they would finish adding the rest of the bathroom? And so there is this weird, fully functioning toilet in a huge, open concrete space often surrounded by boxes and old toys, and if you choose to actually use that toilet you either need to leave the light off to reduce the sense of openness, or turn the light on to reduce the creepiness from the old dolls and various other shadows starting at you? Will’s had a toilet kind of like that in the front bathroom.
Now, that bathroom also contained a urinal, and so “technically” two people could use it at the same time, which meant it had no lock, but if you ever sat on that toilet, due to a, uhm, “bathroom emergency” perhaps because you spent too much time at Will’s the previous day for the Badger game and then decided to come back for the Packer game, you were on full display for any poor soul who decided to use the urinal, and also for anyone in the actual bar who was looking in the general direction of the bathroom when the door opened. Then again, why should Will’s change? If you’re in that situation, it’s your own fault, and it’s hard to argue with that setup as a matter of pure efficiency.
Anyway, bathrooms aside, Will’s is great! It’s a Northwoods-themed old corner dive with a giant patio, that they keep open in the fall, and tent over in the winter so that capacity remains high. Will’s captures the Northwoods aesthetic perfectly, and they would be popular with Wisconsinites regardless, but they’re an institution because many, many years ago, they would just set up a grill on the patio and give out free hot dogs or cheeseburgers during games. For the poor, “just-entered-the-workforce” crowd, this was a godsend.
Eventually, they started charging two bucks, and I’m not sure they even still do this, but it turned them from a good Wisconsin bar into a place that packed in hundreds of people every game and the go-to for any Wisconsin sports event in the city. They feature Euchre and Sheepshead leagues, their venison chili was fantastic last time I had it (which again, was in the aughts, so like 5 years ago), and one time I had to move because I accidentally sat at John Jurkovic’s reserved table. Whoops. So the answer is that you should go to Will’s for a Packer game if you’re in Chicago.
But this isn’t really about Will’s, remember, this post is a warning. You see, you can’t always go to Will’s. Sometimes Will’s gets incredibly crowded, or at least it did five years ago. And if it’s too crowded to get in, you may go to the standard for finding Packer bars in other cities, Packers Everywhere, in order to find a different Packer bar in Chicago. And if you do that, you may stumble upon this.
Now, I highly recommend that you go to Nisei Lounge if you’re heading to a Cubs game. Nisei is a classic Chicago dive bar with a wide selection of “normal” beer (in addition to some local craft favorites), pointy darts, a dank interior, a pool table, etc. I used to live two blocks from here when I lived in Wrigleyville, and it was one of my most frequent hangout spots. It is now one of the very last remaining true dives near Wrigley, having survived the Navy-Pierification inflicted on the neighborhood by the Ricketts.
However, Nisei Lounge is NOT a Packer bar. No way, absolutely not. I’m not sure if this appears on Packers Everywhere because the management of Nisei Lounge themselves thought it would be funny or because Nisei Lounge patrons thought it would be funny, but you don’t want to go there to watch a Packer game. They’ve got that old-Chicago dive attitude where I suspect they would not turn the Packers on for you even for a Sunday or Monday night game when there is no other football, at least if there’s a particularly clever episode of Spongebob available instead. They will probably make fun of you. In a worst-case scenario, they may get you to drink Malort.
Nisei Lounge has gained some notoriety as the popularizers of Jeppson’s Malort, a dare in a bottle where no one can quite agree on the flavor profile with the exception of “sort of like gasoline.” Nisei didn’t invent it, and they were not the first to offer it, but they’ve made a big deal about it, and are now somewhat synonymous with the vile beverage. You can even get a shot that has had Cubs’ baseball soaking in it, and it’s worth noting that this does, in fact, improve the flavor.
Anyway, the Nisei social media accounts are a good representation of a standard smart-alecky dive bar-tenders in tone, and if they somehow got themselves added to Packers Everywhere just for giggles, that would not be surprising. But you should not be fooled. And now you’ve been warned.
That said…their bathroom is nicer. Or was. A few years ago back in 2008.