Deer are everywhere and not that scary.
If you couldn’t tell from the content that we’ve been shoveling out the door recently, it’s the offseason. Besides taking a well-deserved break, everyone in the Bucks organization—not to mention here at Brew Hoop—is gearing up for the season by trying to find the slightest competitive advantage that will have the team playing until July. The lack of actual basketball being played increases our bandwidth to leave no stone unturned.
How about the mascot?
Some might say that a team’s mascot does not help a team’s performance. I would counter that a team’s mascot likely does not hurt a team’s performance. And heading into a season where opponents seem less likely to fear the deer in years, couldn’t a slightly more intimidating talisman nudge the needle? Especially one unique to Wisconsin, so that other teams know that they are playing on our turf?
Luckily, the great state of Wisconsin has just the thing. What follows is an impassioned case against Bango—and an impassioned case for the Hodag.
I have two main axes to grind with Bango, summarized in the dek: deer are everywhere and not that scary.
First—and I cannot overemphasize this—deer are EVERYWHERE. Everywhere! I have now resided in Wisconsin and three lesser states and I can report that deer are in ALL of them. Want to see a map of where deer live in the United States? Look at a map of the United States! Deer are not unique to Wisconsin. Cool mascots are unique to the places they belong (see: most mascots in the NBA).
Photo by Costfoto/NurPhoto via Getty Images
Second—and I also cannot overemphasize this—deer are NOT THAT SCARY. Sure, everyone has a friend who is irrationally terrified of deer (you know who they are), but they are in the minority. Bucks are big and have horns, but they are terrified of humans. And rightfully so—we kill millions of them annually. (Isn’t it morbid that the Bucks’ mascot’s name is BANGo?) They are prey for several animals, including timberwolves, who happen to be one of the Bucks’ main rivals (in theory); I went to a Bucks-Timberwolves game where Crunch (?) the Wolf pretended to hunt Bango. Deer are vegan, which means they are weak (as a vegan, I am legally allowed to say this). Sadly the Bucks play the Los Angeles Lakers, not the Los Angeles Legumes.
Photo by Vaughn Ridley/Getty Images
Side note: the Lakers are the only NBA team without a mascot, so if they want a mascot even more pathetic than a buck, I would imagine that there are plenty of legumes who would be more than happy to volunteer their services. (The Los Angeles Lentils, anyone? Fronted by Lenny the Lentil?)
So an ideal mascot would ungrind those axes by being unique to Wisconsin and scary. The Hodag is both in spades.
For those who don’t know, the Hodag is a cryptid that was “found” in Rhinelander in the 19th century. It has never been found elsewhere. QED. They’re the Milwaukee Bucks, not the Rhinelander Bucks, you say? Okay, coastal elite. For one, the Bucks are Wisconsin’s team, evidenced by their secondary logo and the lack of any other professional basketball teams in the state. For another, they could be in Milwaukee—we just don’t know it. My money’s on the Pfister.
Dan Young/USA TODAY NETWORK-Wisconsin
Furthermore, hodags are SCARY SCARY SCARY. It was initially described as having “the head of a frog, the grinning face of a giant elephant, thick short legs set off by huge claws, the back of a dinosaur, and a long tail with spears at the end” (it’s grinning because it’s about to eat you). That not only makes it a fearsome critter but an apt metaphor for the versatility that the Bucks will need to regain the title. Only riffing on the Wikipedia page here, but it was born from the ashes of oxen, it requires TNT and/or chloroform to be able to subdue… the list goes on. I would bet on the hodag to win a cage match with any of the remaining NBA mascots—a sure sign that the Bucks would be favored to win the championship. Don’t be dissuaded by the fact that it might not exist—same goes for Lucky the Leprechaun and *checks notes* Stuff the Magic Dragon.
T’xer Zhon Kha/USA TODAY NETWORK-Wisconsin
So there you have it. All in favor, please leave a comment below. All against, please don’t 🙂